I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
