Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
