I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
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I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
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The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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