i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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