I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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