I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
