Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
