Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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