"it" just moved
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
