you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
