My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
