You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
nutella sex= disaster
Don't EVER smell your tampon
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
