There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
