Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
