dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
