before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
