You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
