So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
