Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Two words: blizzard sex
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
