why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
