I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
