she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
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We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
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She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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