I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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