i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
