My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
