:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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