We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
