Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
