The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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