Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
