Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
