When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
