There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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