We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
