Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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