So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
