My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
