Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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