I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
