you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
