yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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