my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
