I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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