It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
