TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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