You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
