Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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