So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
