last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
