I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
