Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
