Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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