yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
