We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
