i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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