I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
