Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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