Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
