don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
