Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
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Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
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I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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