so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
