I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
