Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
