i think my mom watched the whole time
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
