my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
