I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
