it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
