I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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