I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
