my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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