Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I did not marry a roomba.
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