remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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