you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
