I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i've created a new STD.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
