I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
