You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
