According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
