This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
